


and they were roommates

by carverhawkes



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Pining, Shiro has some walls up, Slow Burn, clone shiro? dont know her!, not a lot though dont worry lol, these gaybies need their happy ending, theyre both hopeless and gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 10:52:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13363134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carverhawkes/pseuds/carverhawkes
Summary: It's unfortunate that there aren't enough quarters on the Castle of Lions for each of the Paladins. But Shiro and Keith don't mind sharing.





	and they were roommates

Sleep is the last thing on Keith's mind after a difficult day of evading the Galra, stumbling across the lions of Voltron, becoming a Paladin for said lions, and winding up in the Castle of Lions with two ten-thousand year old aliens, one of which was royalty on a now dead planet.

However, his fellow Paladins have different ideas.

"Say, Allura, is there any chance we can get some rest?" Hunk asks, rubbing his bloodshot eyes. "It's been a long day. I'm exhausted."

"Yeah," Lance echoes, his voice hollow, devoid of his usual aplomb. "I haven't slept in days."

The princess turns to look at her adviser, who raises one shoulder up in a half-shrug, a silent way of saying 'whatever you think is best'. Even though Allura is keen to get the new Paladins trained up and in Voltron formation, she can see they're dead on their feet. Lance is slumped so far in one of the piloting chairs he looks like he could bend in half. Pidge is swaying on his feet, leaning against Hunk to keep himself sturdy. The yellow Paladin's eyes are weepy from exhaustion, his face has a sickly pallor. Shiro is stood stoically; feet shoulder-distance apart, arms folded over his broad chest, a determined expression on his face, but Allura can see the purple craters under his eyes. The one who seems truly awake is Keith. His body language is jittery, borderline wired, as he fiddles with the armrest on his pilot's chair. With a sigh of admission, Allura nods.

"All right, Paladins. You've worked hard today, but tomorrow I expect you up bright and early for training." They nod, trying to look enthusiastic, but they all fail miserably.

"Princess," Coran intervenes, sidling up to her. "I think it's worth mentioning the- ah- sleeping arrangements, for the Paladins."

Allura's face wrinkles only momentarily, before she catches onto what Coran is saying. "Oh! Yes. I'm sorry, Paladins, but there aren't enough sleeping quarters for all of you. Two of you will have to share a room."

Immediately, Lance springs to life. "I aren't sharing with Keith!" he protests, sitting up and crossing his arms defiantly.

The Red Paladin rolls his eyes. "I wouldn't want to share with you anyway," he assures him. Allura grumbles, already tired of the two boys quarrelling. It's starting to concern her. If they can't work out their differences, how will they ever be able to successfully form Voltron?

"It's okay," Shiro says, speaking up for the first time in a while. "I can share with Keith."

At the mention of his name, Keith's head snaps up. His mouth goes slack, as he just looks at Shiro with a measured gaze. A ' _are you sure you know what you're doing_?' look on his face. "Seriously?" he asks, hardly believing his luck. He can feel the nerves igniting all through his body, especially prominent on his arms, causing goose bumps to appear.

"Yeah, only if you want," Shiro says with an easy smile. "It'll be just like the Garrison days."

After all these years, Keith still feels the same about Shiro; suspects he always will. Shiro has changed, this is evident. His hair is different, his arms stronger, and his eyes kinder, but he's still  _Shiro_. The man who Keith put his utmost trust, respect and affections into. 

"Rather you than me," Lance says, vitriol evident in his tone. Keith simply rolls his eyes, too focused on Shiro to even really notice the annoying buzz of Lance's voice in the background. Violet eyes lock with grey, gentle smiles are exchanged, and Keith starts to feel like maybe everything will be alright.

"We have a lot of catching up to do anyway," Shiro nods. The swirling in Keith's stomach only magnifies.

Allura leads them down the dark hallways to the wing of the castle where the quarters are situated. Four doors, each spread an equal distance apart from each other. From the outside, the rooms look fairly large. The doors are made of thick metal, the walls even thicker. At least this will give them some privacy.

Hunk takes the room next to Keith and Shiro's, while Lance is directly opposite, next to Pidge. The Paladins say goodnight to one another and disappear into their rooms. As soon as their door shuts, Keith and Shiro can hear a distant whoop from Lance in his room. Keith already knows this is for effect, to try to deliberately wind him up, but Keith has never felt less wound up in his life. He's here, stood with Shiro in their shared accommodation, and everything is... fine. Good. Great, even.

"So..." Keith drags out awkwardly, stood rooted in the spot. His eyes do a quick recce of the room. There's bunk beds on the left wall, a door that leads off to what Keith can only assume is a bathroom, and a small desk on the right side. It's simplistic, empty and cold; not at all like their dormitory at the Garrison. It lacks the personal possessions, the musk of sweaty teenagers badly masked by deodorant, and it lacks Matt. Keith looks up at Shiro, to see a glimpse of a frown on his face, which he quickly rearranges when he sees Keith staring.

"We'll make it feel like home," Shiro says firmly. Ever the optimist. Keith nods silently, slowly taking off his jacket and hanging it up on the hook by the door. He stands in the middle of the room, waiting for Shiro to move. "Do you want the top bunk?" he asks. Keith nods, trying to suppress his smile. It's a small detail, one he's glad Shiro hasn't forgotten.

Keith scrambles up to the top of the bunk, watching Shiro out of the corner of his eye. He's waiting for the Black Paladin to say something, anything, but he's too busy walking around the room. He resembles something caged, that doesn't necessarily appreciate being so.

"You okay?" Keith asks. Shiro startles, it appears he'd briefly forgotten Keith was in the room too.

"Yeah," he says slowly. "Just... getting my head around it."

"I can go and bunk with Hunk if you'd rather," Keith offers, his mouth going dry.  _Please don't kick me out_ , he thinks desperately. Fate has brought them this far together, he'd be heartbroken if Shiro didn't feel the same anymore.

"There's no need," Shiro shakes his head. Keith goes limp with relief. "Look, Keith, I'm going to be honest," he continues, looking serious. His eyes are so intense that Keith can barely maintain eye contact. "I don't sleep very well, I get a lot of... nightmares," he admits, looking down in shame. "I just wanted to warn you before... yeah." The way his voice trails off indicates that it isn't something he's comfortable talking about, which means Keith won't ever mention it. They have a strong camaraderie; they know exactly where their boundaries are, what makes each other tick, and what not to ever talk about. Shiro knows not to mention Keith's family, and Keith knows not to mention Shiro's captivity and nightmares.

"It's okay. I don't sleep very well either," Keith shrugs. This is true, not just something he's saying to appease his friend. He hasn't slept very well since before the Kerberos mission even took off. After Shiro left, it got harder. And when Shiro was confirmed M.I.A, presumably dead, it only got worse. The desert shack didn't help. It left Keith too exposed, too afraid to fall asleep in case someone from Garrison would find him and all his work. He kept guard most nights, never daring to even close his eyes. Only when exhaustion and fatigue pulled him under would he reluctantly rest.

But now Shiro is back. He isn't at the risk of being discovered by Garrison agents. Everything, in theory, should be okay. Keith tries not to get his hopes up, he doesn't expect sleep to become easier at the drop of a hat. But hopefully, him and Shiro might be able to make each other better. In time, of course. It's going to take a while for Keith to peel back all the layers Shiro has grown since he left for Kerberos. Things happened to him on the Galra ship that Keith can't even comprehend. He isn't sure if he  _does_ want to know, he just wants Shiro to know he's here for him, if he ever feels like being candour. Keith won't be disappointed if he doesn't, he just wants the Black Paladin to know he has someone watching his back. Someone who truly cares. The pressure he has to endure is too much, especially for someone of his age.

"If you ever want to talk about it..." Keith's voice trails off awkwardly. He isn't the best at heart-to-hearts.

"I know," Shiro smiles up at him. He looks so genuine, so warm, it breaks Keith's heart. He didn't deserve any of what he had to go through. He was just a kid with big dreams.

While Shiro is in the bathroom, Keith disposes of his t-shirt and pulls the covers up to his chin, trying to keep his dignity. Usually, he slept in a ratty old t-shirt or just in his boxers, but neither of this options seem viable now Shiro is in the room. It's uncomfortable sleeping in his jeans, but he'll just have to soldier on.

Shiro seems just as conflicted about how to sleep. Keith remembers in their dorm in the Garrison, he would always sleep in his boxers, no matter the temperature or season. Now, he seems a lot more reluctant. At first, Shiro tugs the bottom of his t-shirt, obviously considering taking it off. Then with a small sigh, he thinks better of it and leaves it on. Keith can't see what he's doing, on account of the fact he's facing the wall to give his friend some much needed privacy, but it sounds like Shiro is taking off his jeans. The blood pumps in Keith's heart a little faster than usual, he tries to calm his breathing down.

The lights shut out, swallowing the room in darkness. All there is to be heard is each other's shallow breathing and the distant hum of technology somewhere in the castle. It should be serene, but it's not. Keith feels very on edge, every one of his muscles is tense. Awkward tension fizzles in the air, very palpable.

"Keith?" Shiro is the first to crack. "You okay?"

 _Worry about yourself for once_ ,  _Shiro_ , Keith thinks, in silent despair. Then, "I'm good. You?"

"I'm okay," he nods, even though Keith can't see him. He has his hands clasped on his stomach, above the blankets, twiddling his thumbs. Even though he's exhausted, Shiro doesn't reckon he'll sleep. Not here, not for a very a long time anyway. He's too wound up, taunt like a spring, ready to go on Allura's command when necessary. Their near run-in with the Galra earlier put him on edge.

Keith closes his eyes, more out of something to do; he doesn't expect to sleep at all. He isn't tired. No matter how many times he tries to convince himself he is. Maybe if he sleeps then this whole nightmare will be easier to handle.

The humming of the castle stops. There's nothing left to focus on other than the thought of Shiro laying only centimetres below him.

"You did really good today," the Black Paladin remarks. Keith resists the urge to roll his eyes.  _Once a Senior Officer_ ,  _always a Senior Officer_. "You work well with the Red Lion."

"Thanks," Keith says, screwing the blanket up in his fists, as if something material will keep him grounded to this world. Not that he even recognises this new one. "You were made for the Black Lion." Shiro chuckles quietly, Keith's chest constricts. He's missed him  _so_ much.

Keith reckons he was made for the Red Lion too. Turbulent, agile and volatile- all of Keith's own crowning traits.

It's difficult talking to Shiro these days, especially with what both of them have been through. They aren't the same, care-free boys they were in the Garrison. The same boys that could talk idiotically about the first thing that popped in their mind. Now, Keith has to tread on eggshells. He knows that Shiro would probably be more offended if he knew what Keith was thinking, than if he accidentally said something wrong. Keith can't help it. He cares far too much.

"This is a bit different from Garrison," Shiro mutters, almost taking the words out of Keith's mouth. He turns on his side, wrapping himself protectively in the blankets. Coran has turned off the castle's heating system, and the Paladins are feeling the effects.

"It's a lot quieter without Matt," Keith remarks. "He would always talk and keep us awake."

"Do you remember when you had those finals and Matt stayed up all night studying? I found him passed out in the bathroom the next morning." In the dark, it sounds like Shiro is smiling. Keith can almost picture his reminiscent expression. He admires Shiro's strength, being able to talk about them even after everything that happened on the Kerberos mission. Then again, Shiro told the Paladins he doesn't remember what happened to the Holt's after he was imprisoned. At this, Pidge looked particularly pained. Keith can't figure out what his deal is.

"He was an idiot," Keith says, fondly remembering his roommate. He remembers the heartbreak he felt when both Matt and Shiro announced to him that they'd be going on the Kerberos mission, and wouldn't be back for months. Little did Keith know that they never would return. He waited for  _months_ , looking out of his dormitory window longingly up at the stars. When he was expelled, he'd sit outside the shack, face tilted up to the sky whilst mouthing the word ' _please_ ' over and over again. It was his strange way of praying for their safety. Clearly, he didn't pray hard enough.

Their laughter dies out. There's a tension in the air, like Shiro wants to say something but can't quite manage it. Keith's heart thumps in his chest, silently urging him to continue. But, this is Shiro. Shiro; who struggles to articulate his feelings, who has his own walls up, and is very conscious about overwhelming his friend. He tries to stay quiet, imagining Keith wants to get some rest. It's been a tough day for all them. And the days will only continue to be rough. It's best Keith gets his rest now while he can.

Only, Keith lays in the top bunk, wide-awake. His eyes dance about in the dark, he almost sighs out of boredom. He wishes he had stayed on deck with Allura and Coran. At least there's never a dull moment.

Neither of them are sure of how much time has passed. It could be minutes, it could be hours. It's impossible to tell, especially with how Alteans have different ideas about time. Keith has been listening carefully all day to Allura and Coran, but he still can't get his head around it.

To his utter surprise, he manages to drift in and out of restless sleep. He wakes up at one point to see Shiro moving around the room. In the dark, Keith can just about make out his figure. He has his head in his hands, like he's in pain. Keith very nearly says something, but thinks better.  _It's best to let him grieve in peace_ , he thinks, as he subtly rolls over.  _If he wanted to talk about it to me, he would. I don't want to embarrass him_.

When the alarms blare the next morning, Shiro is already dressed in his uniform and working out. Keith is so bleary-eyed he barely even notices Shiro doing press-ups on the floor, ending up tripping over him.

"Sorry!" Keith says, flustered, yanking on his jacket. "I didn't see you there!"

"It's okay," Shiro says, getting up. He presses a hand to the small of Keith's back, gently but firmly pushing him out of the room. The two of them are the first to respond to the alarms, barrelling down the corridors at top speed while Allura's shouts about Zarkon attacking the Castle. When they make it to the deck, they see Allura and Coran stood perfectly calmly, and there's no sign of a Galra attack. Allura's pretty face contorts in irritation as the other Paladin's trail in, yawning and looking weary.

Keith sighs inwardly. It's going to be a long day.

***

At the end of the day, Keith heads straight for his room. Only, it isn't really his room. It's a relief to see that Shiro isn't in, he must still be on the training deck. As much as Keith enjoys spending time with him, it's nice to have a few moments to himself. It's been yet another tough day. The Paladins were pushed to their absolute limit with the training exercises Allura set up. The end result was worth it, they successfully managed to form Voltron. It's a victory, if only a small one.

Keith showers, prodding the bruises littering his torso. The robots really kicked his ass in the training room, it's embarrassing. It hurt his pride even more when Allura informed them haughtily that it was at the level a  _child_ could manage.

Keith rests his head against the wet walls. Maybe he isn't cut out for the life of a Paladin. He doesn't really bring anything to the group. Shiro is the leader, Pidge is the brains, Hunk is the engineer, Lance is the glue, and Keith is... there. Always on the sidelines, never really fitting in. Just like how it's been all his life. It doesn't hurt anymore, not like it used to. But it's disquieting nonetheless.

The sound of the water thrumming from the faucet is too loud for Keith to hear the knocking on the door. He hums quietly under his breath, one of his favourite songs. As much as he liked to act po-faced about pop music, he has a hidden passion for it deep down. It isn't something he openly admits. Shiro is the only one who knows, mainly because he came in the dorm one time when Keith was wiggling around to Kylie Minogue. It was mortifying, the most embarrassed Keith has ever been in his life, but in a typical Shiro fashion, he was a good sport about it- sworn to secrecy.

The shampoo provided by Coran is a thick, grey goop that smells rather suspect. With a grimace, Keith lathers it into his hair. He tells himself that it's probably just charcoal extract, or something similar- he hopes. Knowing his luck, he's probably putting alien juices into his hair.

"Keith!" Shiro calls again, this time much louder. The Red Paladin freezes, quickly trying to cover himself up. He wishes he had more than steam and fogged up glass covering his naked form. "Are you almost done?"

"Nearly!" he replies, furiously trying to wash out the gluey shampoo. It's sticking to every hair follicle in such an impossible way. The thought of Shiro waiting impatiently outside the bathroom makes him even more self-conscious. Keith rushes the rest of his shower, hastily wrapping himself in a towel to maintain his dignity. When he opens the door, he sees Shiro is laid on the bottom bunk, staring up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head; not looking impatient at all.

"Sorry," Keith mumbles, moving past Shiro to collect his clothes from his bunk. Coran had the courtesy to wash them for him, but now he's worried he's used some weird Altean laundry detergent. "If you're going for a shower, I wouldn't use the shampoo," Keith forewarns him. "It's like Craft glue."

Shiro hauls himself off the bed, laughing. "Got it," he nods. Then, pauses before he goes into the bathroom. "Do you want to go to the rec room after?" he offers, eyes looking down awkwardly. "If not, I understand."

"No, no, sure," Keith nods, offering a timid smile. "I'll meet you there?"

"Okay," Shiro looks relieved. "Cool." He slips into the bathroom, and Keith leaves their dorm. He doesn't want to stick around to watch Shiro get changed. Obviously he doesn't have any aversions to looking at Shiro's body, he just doesn't want him to feel awkward.

Unfortunately for Keith, Lance is stepping out of his room at the exact same time. The Blue Paladin's face lights up, knowing it's his perfect opportunity to wind Keith up.

"Oh, hey Keith," he says casually, there's a glint in his blue eyes that Keith ignores. "I've just been chilling in my pad. You know, it's so  _great_ to have all this space to myself. I can really relax."

"I'm surprised you and your ego can fit in," Keith says dully, before turning his heel and walking down to the rec room. His arms are crossed tightly over his chest in the most uninviting manner, alerting Lance that he doesn't want to speak to him.  _At all_. Behind him, he hears Lance yelp as his insult finally sinks in. Footsteps follow, and soon the Blue Paladin is trailing after him like a bad smell.

"You're just jealous you don't have your own space to cry or do whatever you do," Lance jibes.

"Actually, I don't mind sharing," Keith bites. "I aren't completely immature about it, unlike  _some_ people."

"If we'd have shared, Voltron would have been without a Red Lion after I'd murdered you," Lance says.

"Oh yeah?" Keith whirls around, challengingly. His fists clench at his side. "I wouldn't be so sure."

Before Lance can retaliate, both of them are being yanked apart by a weary looking Hunk. "Guys, stop," he deadpans. "You're not helping the team." Keith wrenches himself out of Hunk's grip, looking indignant as he massages his shoulder.

"What's the deal with you and Shiro anyway?" Lance asks accusingly, raising an eyebrow. 

"I don't know what you mean," Keith says sharply. He feels his heart beat faster, as his jaw tenses. Lance sees the primal look in his eye and takes a subtle step back.

"How come you two are so close?" he asks, chin jutting out. This is his way of telling Keith that he isn't scared of him, under any circumstance. Even though his hesitancy is apparent, his body language uncertain and tense.

Keith's eyes drop down. He turns his back on his fellow Paladins before he can reply. "We used to be... friends. In the Garrison," Keith tells him begrudgingly. If he tells the truth, in theory, it'll cause less speculation and they won't ask as many questions. Keith burns at the thought of the Paladins talking about him and Shiro's relationship. They don't know anything.

"Before you got kicked out," Lance nods.

"No, idiot," Keith snaps. "Before he went to Kerberos."

The word is still a sore one to use around Garrison students. Both Hunk and Lance remember how the school mourned for weeks after Shiro and the Holt's disappearance. Shiro was one of their star pilots, Samuel Holt one of their best scientists. It was a sad time, one that both boys don't really like reflecting on. Everything was so tense and morbid, walking around the school was like walking in a graveyard. If they made too much noise the teachers would glare at them fiercely, with a sad, distant look in their eye. Despite this, they still didn't suffer as much as Keith.

They're still in the middle of a furious stare-down when Shiro emerges from their room. He looks at Lance, and then looks at Keith who's trying his best to compose himself. He hates Shiro seeing him act so  _childish_.

"What's going on?" the Black Paladin asks, looking concerned.

"Nothing," Keith says firmly. And that's what it is; absolutely nothing.

***

The second night isn't a lot easier. It's still terse, they're still walking on eggshells around each other, and neither of them sleep well. The third night is better. Keith manages to sleep for a few hours, before waking up after he hears Shiro groaning in his sleep. They're both trying so hard, so why isn't it working? Why aren't things the same?

On the fourth night, Keith breaks.

"Where are you going?" Shiro whispers when he sees Keith slip off the top bunk. He sits up in bed, hair ruffled and eyes blinking blearily. He looks so much younger now,  _too_ young to have such a role.

"On a walk," Keith replies, shrugging on his jacket. "I can't sleep."

"Let me come with you," says Shiro, throwing the blanket off. It's a good thing it's dark so Keith can't see his half-naked form. Both men have slowly become more comfortable with wearing less to bed, it's a huge improvement. It means things are on the way to being almost normal between them.

"You don't have to," Keith shakes his head. He doesn't need an escort, it isn't like he's planning on running away or anything. Maybe Shiro  _does_ think that, which is why he insists on sticking by Keith's side like glue.

Shiro dresses hastily, and the two of them set off down the castle halls. There's still a lot of unexplored territory, but it's impossible to tell where they're walking in the dark. It's silent at first. Keith huddles into his jacket, not having taken into account how cold the castle would be. Shiro seems fine, then again, he always does. The only time he ever falters is if he's near death. Keith wishes he knew when to ask for help.

"This... isn't really working out, is it?" the Black Paladin says, gesturing a hand between them.

Hurt stings Keith's chest. "You're kicking me out?" It sounds so pathetic and lame coming out of his mouth, he regrets it the second he says it.

Shiro looks affronted. "No! I want you to stay. I thought it was  _you_ didn't want to stay with  _me_."

"Of course I do," Keith says, meaning it. He'll stick with Shiro through thick and thin, if he allows him to, of course. "I just... I miss how things used to be," he struggles.

Shiro nods. "Me too," he admits. They're at the entrance of the castle now, staring at the doors and wondering whether it's worth wandering outside. As of tomorrow they'll have left Arus, and who knows when the next opportunity they get for this will be?

Amazingly, they manage to walk straight out of the castle doors without triggering any alarms or security sensors. It isn't difficult to navigate outside of the castle, due to the fat yellow moon hanging over the tips of the mountains, providing enough light for them to see quite clearly. They don't stay far from the bridge, only going as far as a cluster of rocks about five minutes away. They sit down heavily, letting their legs swing over the cavern beneath them.

"Keith?" Shiro's voice is distant, something in the back of Keith's mind as he's lost in thought. "You can talk to me."

"Yeah, I know."

"You don't want to?"

"No, it's not that."

"Then what?" Shiro presses gently, subtly moving himself closer. Their thighs are touching now, as are their hips. Keith looks down and can almost see the crackles of electricity emitting from their skin. Then he looks back up, meeting Shiro's earnest eyes. He so badly wants Keith to trust him, it's heartbreaking, really.

"I miss you, Shiro," Keith says, loud and clear, so there's no mistaking his words. "I miss  _us_."

The Black Paladin blinks, his storm coloured eyes dancing across Keith's face. Shiro looks pained at the admittance, averting his eyes and turning his face painstakingly. He's said too much, he knows this now. Shiro's silence only proves it.

"I'm gonna go," Keith mutters, getting to his feet. "This was dumb-" Before he can finish, he's getting yanked back down again. Now, he dares to look at Shiro. He has an unreadable expression on his face, which doesn't help Keith's anxiety. He balls his hands into fists, trying to make their shaking less obvious.

"Will you let me speak?" Shiro asks. He doesn't necessarily sound annoyed- exasperated, perhaps? It's hard to tell. Keith's teeth chatter involuntarily. He's beginning to wish they talked this over in their room. Deep down, Keith knows why he dragged Shiro outside; it's easier to run this way.

"I miss it too, Keith," the Black Paladin admits, quietly. "Do you remember the last time we were together?"

Of course. How could he forget? It was the morning of the Kerberos mission. Shiro took Keith out to look around at the shuttle they were going to be travelling in. Keith tried to listen to everything Shiro was talking to him about; the shuttle's thrusters, the high-tech science equipment, the crappy food they'd have to eat while they were away. But Keith knew this was all a diversionary tactic. Shiro was doing a very good job of avoiding the elephant in the room.

It was late morning when the Holt's and Shiro boarded the shuttle. As the Holt's said goodbye to each other, Shiro said goodbye to Keith; the only person he cared about enough to say his farewells to.

"Promise me you'll be safe?" Keith had asked, desperately. He felt so small and helpless.

"I promise," Shiro said solemnly. He held one hand on his chest and the other in the air, mocking the boy scout salute. In any other situation Keith would've laughed, but he felt so dire he almost burst into tears. Shiro's playful guise stopped immediately. "Keith? Don't be sad. I'll come back, and then we can... talk. Do I ever break my promises to you?" He put his fingers under his friend's chin, tilting his face to look up at him. Keith's sorrowful expression broke his heart.

"Never," Keith said, trying to dredge up a smile. Although, something in the back of Keith's mind told him this was the end. It was this thought that spurred him to take action, something he should've done a long time ago. He grabbed the front of Shiro's suit roughly, and pulled his lips onto his. He could feel Shiro tense, frozen, uncertain of how to react. There was a wrenching feeling when Keith pulled away, bright red, with his pride in shreds. Only when he was walking away did Shiro finally move. He grabbed Keith's arm, pulling him right into his chest and capturing his lips, forcefully; as if showing how much he cared.

 _Don't leave_ , Keith begged silently. But of course, there was nothing he could do now. As much as he didn't want Shiro to leave him, he desperately wanted Shiro to do this. It was all he'd ever wanted, his dream was finally coming true; and the happiness Keith felt for him cancelled out all the pain. Mingled with all the dread and anxiety, Keith felt  _pride_.

They kissed again, this time it was more gentle; revealing their true feelings. It was full of unspoken admittance, salty with tears, and raw with emotion. Iverson was the one who broke them apart, looking awkward as he told Shiro it was time to go.

"I'll come back, Keith," Shiro whispered, before he was shepherded into the Garrison shuttle. Keith stuck around to watch it launch, but hurried inside the moment it was no longer in the atmosphere. He didn't want to linger with the Holt family, who were looking at him pityingly. For the first time in his life, Keith accepted the pity; not trying to fight against it. He deserved it, embraced it.

"Things have changed," Shiro says, his head lowered. " _I've_  changed. I'm sorry, Keith."

"What do you mean?" Keith's voice catches towards the end of the sentence. Traitorous emotions. He doesn't like where this is going, doesn't like Shiro's sorrowful expression. It's going all  _wrong_. It was meant to be  _okay_.

"I can't be what you need," Shiro admits, voice small. And for the first time since their reunion, Shiro displays weakness.

"How do you know what I need?" Keith asks, trying to keep a lid on his temper. "I need  _you_ , Shiro. I have done since... since way before you left."

Shiro looks so pitying it's physically painful. Keith swallows the bile in his throat, ignores the pricking of his skin.

"I'm sorry, Keith," Shiro repeats, not looking at him.

And that's all that needs to be said.

***

If Keith thought the sleeping arrangements were awkward before, it's thousands- if not millions- times worse after the fourth night. Him and Shiro painstakingly avoid each other, memorising each other's schedules so their time in the room won't coincide. It's simple: Keith showers first, goes to the rec room or wherever he's needed, and Shiro is on the training deck until Keith is well out of the way.

He never wanted to hurt Keith, that's never been his intention. Shiro thought he was doing the right thing. He isn't what Keith needs, he'll realise that soon. He doesn't need the unecessary emotional baggage when he has his own problems to deal with. Shiro knows he isn't who he used to be, who Keith thought he cared for, it isn't fair leading him on to believe that.

Allura notices the tangible tension between the two Paladins, and gently takes Shiro to a side one day.

"You and Keith..." she begins, looking awkward. She doesn't like intruding in their personal lives. "Are you all right? I've noticed a... lack of communication between the two of you."

"We're okay, Princess," Shiro smiles, convincingly reassuring.

"Are you sure? I can ask Coran-"

"There's no need, thanks," the Black Paladin holds up a hand to stem her rambling. As much as it hurts being so distant with Keith, it's what they both need.

"I don't want this jeopardising the team," Allura says, trying to keep her stern head.

"I know, and it won't."

"Oh, well," the princess looks awkward. "At least you're getting more training done," she attempts to joke lamely. Shiro chuckles politely, even though both of them are painfully aware it isn't funny.

But it  _is_ jeopardising the team. Keith keeps his distance from the other Paladins, unless it's absolutely necessary for them to work together. One morning, Pidge decides to confront him. It's just the two of them in the kitchen, poking their green goo laboriously. Neither of them like it much, but it's the best thing Coran can concoct.

"Is there something you need to tell us?" Pidge asks.

Keith's head snaps up. His eyes narrow. "No..." he says, suspiciously. "Why would there be?"

Pidge shrugs, trying to appear casual about it. Keith notices she can't maintain eye contact with him. "I just thought there was something bugging you. We're a team now, Keith. You have to be honest with us."

"There's nothing," Keith says, firmly, shoving his spoon so ferociously in his green goo that it explodes all over the table. How could he even begin to explain what is wrong with him? Shiro's rejection is still too raw, speaking about it will only add more salt to the wound. He doesn't need Pidge's pity, Hunks empathy or Lance's snarky remarks. Keith just wants to be left alone.

He really thought Shiro cared for him.  _That_ is the most painful part.

His pain only spurs him to work harder. Many times, Shiro wants to tell Keith how proud he is, how happy for him he is, then realises it would be tactless. There are always so many things Shiro wants to say on the silent nights. He stares longingly up at the roof of his bunk, practically feeling Keith's body temperature. He's so close, but so painfully distant. They're practically strangers.

 _It's for the best_ , Shiro thinks, giving one of the training robots a particularly hard  _thwack_.  _He's better off without me_.  _He'll realise it soon_.

The days roll into weeks, and Keith is no closer to realising. All he feels is sorrow, and a heavy sense of loss in his soul. He distracts himself well enough, avoiding thinking about Shiro at all costs. It's always a painful reminder to hear his voice over the comms, or see him laid in bed. _I could be laid with you_ , Keith thinks every night as he stares into space. _I could be helping you_.  _You stupid_ , _proud man_.

What hurts the most, Keith realises, is that Shiro didn't even give him a chance. He just dismissed him, not even giving it a second thought. The hurt soon turns to bitterness and resentment. One night, whilst lounging in the rec room, Keith broods over it more than he should. His anger brims right to the boiling point. He storms out of the room, down the corridors to the Paladin quarters; ready to give Shiro a piece of his mind. He steels himself, ready to tell Shiro all the things he should've said that night when he rejected him.

But when he's inside, he stops dead, all the anger and words drain from his body. Shiro is curled up in his bunk, fast asleep. His expression is so peaceful that Keith knows he can't disturb him, especially with how much he struggles with sleeping anyway. The worry creases are smoothed from his face, the corners of his lips pulled in a small smile. It's good to see he's having a pleasant dream, rather than a nightmare.

"Oh Shiro," Keith whispers, before slowly backing out of the room again.

***

It's so absurd, that Shiro could ever think Keith has the capability to pilot the Black Lion. Keith isn't a leader. He's a hot-headed outlier, good at straying from the pack and flanking their enemies; which was why he was deployed to the Red Lion in the first place. Keith is fully aware Shiro was delirious with pain when he said this, but there was something so firm about his tone that he can't help but think Shiro truly believes this. Which, is ridiculous in itself. Shiro is meant to be the leader, the one who makes good decisions.

All of Keith's hurt and resolve melted away as soon as he heard Shiro was in danger. He can't stay angry at him forever. If he truly believes them keeping their distance is the right thing to do, then Keith has to respect it. It's difficult, but he manages. 

While Shiro is in the healing pod, Keith paces around the lab, waiting for him to wake up. Allura gently tells him numerous times that he won't be awake for a few more days, he takes no heed. He can't bear being in the empty bedroom. It's so  _lonely_. Even when him and Shiro weren't speaking, it was still reassuring to know he was there. It was still comforting to hear his breathing and hear his occasional groans. It reminded Keith he wasn't truly alone in all of this.

Keith rests both of his palms on the glass of Shiro's pod, sighs, and rests his forehead against it. "I know you're okay," he mutters. "Just... wake up.  _Please_?"

"Keith?" Lance's voice rings out through the silent lab. The Red Paladin freezes, squeezing his eyes shut in frustration. He doesn't want to do this now, especially when he's feeling so on edge. "You okay, buddy?"

Keith turns his head, not taking his hands off Shiro's pod. What's the point in pretending like Lance didn't see him in such a compromising position? He doesn't know if he can withstand any insults Lance is going to send his way. He feels too vulnerable right now.

Lance walks towards him cautiously, like he's afraid of getting his head bitten off. "Can I say something?" he asks.

Keith sighs. "You're going to anyway."

Lance intakes a deep breath. "Look, we're all worried about Shiro. We all care about him, and want him to be okay. But... you're letting your feelings get in the way of the mission here. I don't know what happened between the two of you, and I won't ask. But you have to think of the bigger picture here."

"Since when have you cared about the mission?" Keith lashes out scornfully. Ephemeral hurt is clear Lance's visage, as he braces himself. Keith sighs. "Sorry," he mumbles. "You're right. I just..." It's all out in the open now. "I care about him too much."

"I get that," Lance says, softly. "We can all see that. He'll be okay. For now, you have to focus on the bigger picture. Wasting your time down here isn't going to help us defeat Zarkon. Come up to the bridge, Allura has a mission for us."

"Okay. I'll be up in a minute." Lance nods, turning around to walk out. "Lance!" Keith calls. "Thanks," he says, awkwardly.

A smile flashes across Lance's face. "Don't mention it. We're all in this together."

Keith looks up at Shiro, swallowing roughly. Lance is right, they  _are_ in it together. Even if it isn't in the way he wants.

***

"I'm not an invalid, Keith. You don't have to worry about me so much."

Keith escorts Shiro to their room the minute he's well enough to walk. After being in the pod for so long, his joints have seized and he's walking like an infirm old man.

"If I don't worry, who will?" Keith asks, hooking his arm around Shiro's strong waist, taking great solicitude. The Black Paladin chuckles weakly, allowing himself to be dragged along like a sack of potatoes. The other Paladins clamoured to help him too, but Allura firmly told them she needed them on the bridge. Keith didn't miss the subtle smile she gave him, a private signal telling him to talk things through with Shiro. Not that there  _is_ much to talk about. Shiro made his intentions clear, and Keith can't argue with him.

He sets Shiro down gently on his bunk, quickly fluffing his pillows before he lays down. Keith manages to resist the urge to swaddle Shiro up protectively in his duvet. The Red Paladin leans against the wall, trying to feign casualness.

"Do you need anything else before I go?" he asks, jerking his thumb in the direction of the door.

"Um... no. I'm okay," Shiro says, struggling to sit up. "Can we talk later?" he requests. Keith's mouth feels like the Mojave, licking his lips trying to formulate an appropriate response.

"Sure," he says simply. Shiro nods, Keith nods, and it's like an awkward bobble-head competition. He disappears quickly before the air can become even thicker. All the time he's up on the bridge he's wondering what Shiro could possibly want to talk about. It's likely about the Black Lion comment, he's probably iterating to Keith he didn't really mean it. Keith tries not to get his hopes up, but small bubbles can't help but rise in his chest.

When the Paladins file out after the meeting, Allura touches his elbow gently, looking hopeful.

"Well?" she presses. Coran is trying not to eavesdrop from the control panel, yet it's obvious he is.

"He wants to talk to me," Keith says, trying not to let his voice betray him.

"Good," Allura nods, with a smile. "We're rooting for you. Good luck, Keith."

He doesn't immediately go to his room. Instead, he takes a detour to the training room. It's unoccupied, thankfully. The only person who uses it as religiously as Keith is holed up in his bedroom resting.

A gruelling exercise is exactly what Keith needs to take his mind off everything. In the moment; everything is relative. There's no Zarkon, no Galra, no Shiro- just the adrenaline in Keith's veins and the blood pounding in his head. Only when when his lungs constrict so much he can barely breathe does Keith take a break. He collapses onto the cold floor, throwing his arm across his sweaty face. Chest heaving, he feels his limbs go limp. He knows he's pushed himself far too much, he'll feel the consequence tomorrow in his muscles.

His heartbeat is loud in his ears. Shiro manages to slip in undetected. When Keith moves his arm off his eyes, he jumps when he sees the Black Paladin staring down at him. There's a look of amusement on his face.  "That was good. Very good," he compliments.

Keith's heart bangs in his rib cage. He staggers to his feet, feeling the world lurch. Shiro reaches out to steady him, holding him gently until he can stand on his own. Keith blows a strand of wet hair out of his face. "Thanks," he says, voice raspy. Shiro's compliments always leave him feeling bashful, any praise from Shiro does. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

"Allura worries too much, I'm fine. The healing pod sorted me right out," Shiro tells him. He lifts the corner of his shirt up to show Keith where the wound should be, only, there isn't one. Just a faded scar, bright white. Keith looks up at Shiro, asking for permission, who nods. He reaches out to touch the scar, tracing it delicately with the pad of his finger. The Black Paladins swallows roughly at the contact, holding his breath.

"It hurts?" Keith asks.

"No," Shiro breathes out. When Keith has had his fill of fingering the scar, both Paladins straighten up with a swallow. They make awkward eye contact, stares wavering. Keith remains quiet. After all, it was Shiro who requested to talk to  _him_. The older Paladin squirms slightly. "I think we should head back to our room." This is a command, not a suggestion. His words are innocuous, yet promising. Obviously, Keith knows he isn't hinting at anything; that still doesn't stop the unwelcome heat rising up in his belly.

He follows Shiro into their domain, bracing himself. Whatever Shiro wants to talk about, Keith will handle it maturely and with a calm-head. He isn't going to run away, he's going to hear his friend out. Even if it  _is_ something he doesn't want to hear.

Shiro sits on his bunk, Keith drags the chair from the desk and plops down in front of him. It's tense, both of them are apprehensive.

"You know what I said about me being not what you needed?" Shiro begins. Keith nods, throat too tight to formulate words. "I've been thinking." Keith just blinks, urging him to continue. He doesn't want to set himself up for disappointment, but god  _damn it_  he's so hopeful. "Ever since you saved me after our lions crashed... I realised that while  _I_  may not be what you need,  _you're_ what _I_ need."

Keith is stunned. His mouth opens and closes like a goldfish. He shouldn't be surprised, considering their history and everything they've been through together; but he  _is_. He's more reeling at the fact that Shiro finally to eschew his insecurities to admit what he truly wants.

Shiro looks up, nervous. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Shiro, stop being sorry," Keith warns him, the corners of his lips curling into a smile. "I'm glad you feel this way."

"Yeah," the Black Paladin says, rubbing the back of his neck. "I always have." Keith's really can't believe his ears, or his luck. He reaches forward to take Keith's hands in his own, it's a relief to see Shiro looks just as shy as Keith. Although, there's something unnerving about seeing their calm, collected leader look so apprehensive. "I can't promise you anything, Keith. But I'll give you all I have."

"That's enough for me," Keith replies softly, feeling a surge of affection for the man sat in front of him.

***

After the awkward admittance, things get a lot easier. Well, in terms of their relationship. The situation with Zarkon, however, becomes a lot harder.

Keith worries, of course he does. But nowadays he worries less with Shiro by his side. When things get too overwhelming, they can steal away to their room for a moments peace. Shiro will whisper all the things Keith needs to hear, and this gives him the strength to keep up their fight for the universe.

It's smooth sailing, until Shiro mentions the Galra doctor who helped him escape Zarkon's ship. Keith is the first person Shiro tells, whilst in the privacy of their room. Keith leans against the door, not daring to look at the Black Paladin. When he finishes his story, Shiro looks up helplessly at Keith, who is avoiding eye contact with him at all costs. 

"Just say it," Shiro sighs, sounding tired. His tone matches his expression; the poor man looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. Albeit, he sleeps better now with Keith than he ever did, but it still isn't enough.

"Shiro, you know I trust you," Keith says quickly, unfolding his arms to look less defiant. "But... are you sure about this? I mean, the Galra could've implanted false memories. You could've gotten confused-"

"I didn't, Keith," Shiro says firmly. He usually agrees with the Red Paladin on everything, but with this, he has to stand his ground. He looks at Keith's face, studying him intently. It's almost impossible to make out his unreadable expression. However, Shiro notices his eyes look rather pitying.

"I'm going to talk to Allura about it tomorrow. I want us to find him." The finality in Shiro's tone makes Keith realise that nothing he can do or say will dissuade him. Shiro has always been obstinate, borderline difficult in some situations. Such as now.

"Okay," Keith says, gently. "I don't think it's a good idea, but you do what you think is right."

There's an unshakeable silence that follows. Keith hears Shiro swallowing roughly, blowing ragged breaths out of his nose. Both of them hate disagreeing with one another, but Keith has to stand his ground about this too. He isn't going to change his beliefs for Shiro, no matter how much he cares about him.

"You're mad at me," the Black Paladin's voice sounds dull.

"No, not mad," Keith shakes his head. "Worried."

"You don't have to be worried."

"I do," Keith argues. "You're all I have, Shiro."

The older boy's face falters, if only momentarily. He wipes his clammy palms on his trousers, trying to measure Keith's gaze. The Red Paladin doesn't look angry, true to his word, he just looks wrung out. Exhausted. Beaten.

 _All because of you_ , the voice in Shiro's head pipes up.

"Come here." Shiro's voice is gentle- cautious. He opens his legs for Keith to stand in between them, which he does happily. Despite the tense atmosphere swallowing the room, he still wants Shiro's touch. His hands move to Keith's hips, where he holds him sturdily; too tight, almost. It's likely his grip will leave bruises. With a sigh, Shiro buries his head in Keith's chest. He's struggling, and Keith would do anything to make his pain go away if only he knew how. Shiro has been getting better at opening up, recently, but it still isn't enough.

Keith wraps his arms around him tightly, bringing his head even closer. The role reversal doesn't go unnoticed. It's nice, though, that sometimes Shiro is the vulnerable one who needs consoling. It proves he truly does need Keith as much as Keith needs him.

Neither of them are sure how long they stay in this position, but it isn't nearly long enough. Keith could stay in Shiro's arms until the end of time; until the sun burned out and the Galra were a distant memory.

When they break away, Shiro is looking up at Keith with a love-struck expression. Usually, Keith would be uncomfortable with someone looking at him so intently, seeing all his flaws; with Shiro, it's different.

 _He cares about me_ , Keith thinks, feeling something twist in his chest.  _I know he does_.

Shiro doesn't have to say it. He leans up to kiss Keith gently on the mouth, rubbing his jawline with his thumbs.

After all, actions speak louder than words.

***

"Shiro? Can we talk?"

Shiro looks up, seeing Keith's legs hang over his head. Silently, the Red Paladin launches himself off the top bunch and lands agilely on his feet. Shiro props himself up with his elbow, looking concerned. He wondered how long it would take Keith to snap. Finding this information about his family has been a lot for him to take in, to the point of it almost being  _too_ overwhelming. He's barely spoken about it, not since they left the Marmora headquarters.

"Of course," the Black Paladin says, sitting up. Keith turns the light on. Shiro can see he's just in his boxers and t-shirt. Swallowing hard, he pats the space on the bunk next to him. The air is sepulchral. He wants Keith to know, that despite this newfound discovery of him being part Galra, Shiro really doesn't care. Keith may feel like all the Paladins are against him, but Shiro isn't. Never has, never will be.

Keith flops beside him, looking antsy. He tugs the hem of his t-shirt, trying to preserve his modesty. It isn't anything Shiro has never seen before, but he doesn't point this out. "It's been a tough day," Keith sighs, eventually.

"I can imagine," the older boy says, sympathetically, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. This has always been their thing. In times of need, uncertainty and reassurance, they'll always touch shoulders. It started out as a friendly, disciplinary action when they first met at the Garrison; but it's become so much more intimate. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes. No. I don't know," Keith buries his head in his hands. His body is covered in bruises from the gruelling trials he was put through. Coran said there was nothing the healing pods can do to make them disappear.

"It's a lot to take in, you don't have to talk now," Shiro tells him, grey eyes wavering with concern. Keith hasn't been himself at all since he returned. It's disquieting. "I just need to know you're okay, Keith."

Keith manages to dredge up a lame attempt of a smile. It looks more withering than genuine. "I just- I can't believe it. Did you see how Allura looked at me? It was like she hated me," his voice trails off. He shrinks in on himself. He resembles a scared child. Shiro's heart breaks for him. He takes his hand off Keith's shoulder, and instead wraps his arm around him, pulling him closer under his armpit.

"The Galra have caused so much pain and hurt and... I..." he looks like he's struggling to articulate what to say next. "Shiro, you don't hate me, do you?" He's so terrified; eyes wide with distress and mouth wobbling.

"No," Shiro breathes, blinking rapidly to rid the stinging feeling in his eyes. "Never." He pauses, hugging Keith tightly. The smaller boy breathes deeply into his chest, clutching the back of his t-shirt tightly. "Besides," his voice is light as they pull out of the hug. "I'm part Galra too." Keith's face scrunches in confusion, before Shiro lifts his metal arm up and wiggles his fingers.

Keith leans up to give him a chaste kiss on the lips, he doesn't feel strong enough for anything else. Shiro is trying so hard, but then... "What you said today, during the Trials... Did you mean it?"

"Huh?" the Black Paladin looks up from playing with a strand of Keith's hair. "Wha- oh." His face falls heavy again. "That was a hologram, Keith. It wasn't really me."

"Oh." Keith's voice is small, he looks away. "I was scared you'd given up on me. You're the only person who never has."

"I'm  _not_ giving up on you," Shiro says firmly, cupping his pallor face. "You said yourself it doesn't matter about where you came from, that you know who you are really. You just need to keep telling yourself that." Shiro taps Keith's temple, offering him a warm smile.

 _I don't deserve you_ , Keith thinks.  _I never did_. "Thanks," he says weakly.

Shiro's grip on his face tightens, only slightly. He looks lost in thought. What he says next is enough to send Keith reeling. "I love you, Keith." He sounds so raw, so honest, that it leaves no room for doubt; not that there ever was.

"I love you," he reciprocates, his own hands finding Shiro's face. He presses his forehead against his tiredly, mumbling something about needing some sleep.

And when he wakes up the next morning, in Shiro's bunk with his strong arms wrapped around him protectively, Keith realises the world  _hasn't_ ended; like he previously assumed it would.

***

Losing Shiro for the second time is worse- so much worse.

Keith never rests. He spends his days sedulously scouring the alien wreckage in hopes of finding the Black Paladin buried amongst the detritus. This carries on for months, until eventually the Paladins have to tell him to stop. Keith just can't accept Shiro is gone. Shiro: their leader, the one who was going to get them through this and be the one to defeat Zarkon, is dead. It feels like there's no hope left in the universe. For Keith, there isn't.

It's so unfair. Fate cruelly kept them apart the first time, and just when Keith finally had him again, they were to be ripped apart a second time. It's like a cosmic joke, only, one that isn't funny in the slightest. Keith was naïve enough to believe that things would work out for them, that the cruel cards they'd been dealt would no longer be a problem. They had each other, and that was enough.

Now Keith is left on his own, there's nothing he can do.

Inevitably, the discussion about who will pilot the Black Lion crops up. Keith keeps out the best he can. Hearing the other Paladins talk about Shiro's absence is always far more painful. It makes the whole thing more real, and not something Keith dreamt in his nightmares.

Keith tries to tell them they can't do it without Shiro, that Voltron won't be the same. They don't listen. They take into account Shiro's words to Keith that time they were stranded- it feels like a lifetime ago-that he should pilot the Black Lion. Keith can't possibly step up the task. He isn't a leader, he isn't Shiro;  _no one_  can replace the true Black Paladin. It simply won't work without Shiro, just like Keith.

After the terse meeting, Keith is wound up like a spring, Lance's scornful words still ringing in his ears. How could he possibly think Keith was using this to his own advantage, to pilot the Black Lion? Keith wouldn't care if he never flew another Lion again, as long as he just had Shiro back.

He disappears into their-  _his_ \- room. Only, it doesn't feel the same. Keith tends to avoid the room as much as possible, hating how quiet and unoccupied it is. He misses Shiro's warmth and his presence. Nothing is the same without him.

Keith lays on the bottom bunk, holding the coverlet tightly in his fists. Shiro's scent left the bed sheets long ago, now replaced by Keith's own. On the off chance he does sleep in here, Keith always sleeps on the bottom bunk. Sometimes, on a night, he can almost hear Shiro's stertorous breathing or picture his silhouette pacing the room.

As Keith lays in silence, splayed across the bunk, he realises just how lonely it is. The feeling is sharp and painful, resonating deeply in his chest. He blinks rapidly, trying to stop any tears falling. Deep down, he knows he can't give up on finding Shiro; he'd do the same for him. But Keith feels like he has to. Feels like he has to close this book and stop getting his hopes up, it's making him physically ill.

This, Keith decides, is how the world will end. The ache in his chest will become too much and one day he'll just blow like a supernova.

Maybe the world already has ended, and he was just too consumed by his own grief to realise? That would explain how none of this seems real.

A timid knocking on Keith's door grabs his attention. He lifts his head off the pillows, but barely. He isn't interested in what any of the other Paladins have to say, especially Lance. Keith doesn't think he can forgive him for his previous comment.

"Keith? May I come in?" It's Allura. The last person Keith expected to enter his domain. He's never seen Allura near the Paladin quarters, apart from on their first day. Keith calls her in, quickly sitting up in bed and attempting to not look so pathetic.

Allura stands self-consciously on the threshold, offering him a smile. "Hello," she announces. "I came to talk to you, if that's all right?"

"Sure," Keith grunts. He waves a hand towards the desk. "Pull up a chair."

She does. Sitting so close to Keith that their knees practically touch and he can almost feel the waves of apprehension rolling off her. Neither of them are very good at this. Especially after the hurtful things Allura said to him when she found out he was part Galra. They're past this now, but, it's still awkward nonetheless.

"I didn't want the other Paladins to hear this," she says, blue eyes looking down at her clasped hands. "I know you miss Shiro terribly. What happened to him was a tragedy. Not just in our efforts to defeat Zarkon, but in the universe as a whole. He was a good man, a brave man." Her eyes gloss over. She swallows down her preamble, persevering. "I know it's a lot to ask of you to pilot the Black Lion. I wouldn't ask it of you if I didn't think you were capable." 

Allura pauses, clearly mulling over her next words. "No one is asking you to replace Shiro," her voice is soft. "No one is expecting you to. He cannot be replaced. What we want from you, Keith, is your help. And I know if Shiro was here, he would want you to continue our mission. He was the most dedicated out of us all."

Keith blinks, his lips parting. He tries to hide the obvious tremble in his hands. "Allura, I'd help if I could, you know I would. But I... I can't pilot the Black Lion. I aren't cut out for it."

The princess tilts her head. "You haven't even tried," she points out. "You clearly share a bond with it. Shiro told us about the day you successfully managed to fly it."

"That's because Shiro was in danger," Keith corrects. "It's true Paladin. It only worked for me because it wanted to save Shiro just as much as I did." 

"There. You already have more of a bond with it than anyone else," Allura tries to downplay her triumph. "Please, Keith. Just try. If not for me, for Shiro."

For a long time, Keith hesitates. Then, "okay," he relents.

 _For Shiro_.

***

Keith can't believe it when he hears the static voice coming through the Black Lion's comm. He freezes, skin burning. He recognises the tired, hoarse voice that undeniably belongs to Shiro. He has to give his head a quick shake, making sure this isn't something he's conjured out of desperation. No, it really  _is_ Shiro. He can hear Lance gabbling over Red's comm, exclaiming that Shiro is alive.

"Keith?" Allura's voice is as clear as a clarion. "Keith, are you there?"

"Yeah," he says quietly, allowing a single tear to roll down his cheek.

The Paladins move quickly, rescuing Shiro from the oxygen-deprived shuttle to safety. He rides in the Red Lion with Lance, using the Lion's speed to get to the castle quicker. Keith is in close pursuit, his heart threatening to leap out of his rib cage. It doesn't seem real. But it is. When he feels Shiro's heavy weight leaning against him for support, too weak to stand on his own, Keith realises it's real. Shiro is back. Maybe fate isn't as against him as Keith previously thought.

After spending a night in one of the healing pods, Shiro is taken to his and Keith's room. He doesn't seem to notice the state of disarray it's fallen into. Keith is glad none of the other Paladins remark on it too. All of them seem too preoccupied with Shiro's arrival to focus on much else.

Keith waits, watching Shiro nap. He tries not to be weird about it, not wanting to startle him. It's just so nice to be able to appreciate he's finally here, even if he does look a bit worse for wear. Keith couldn't care less about Shiro's appearance, but it's obvious he's been through some tribulations in the months he was gone.

They worked through it last time, they can work through it again. Together.

Shiro wakes a few hours later, seemingly confused. He looks around the room with bleary eyes, looking like he's struggling to take it all in. When his gaze lands on Keith, his cracked lips form into a weak smile.

"Hey," Keith says, scooting his chair as close as he dares.

"Hey." Shiro still sounds tired. Keith knows it'll take more than a few hours sleep for him to recover whatever trauma he's been through this time. Patience is not one of Keith's greatest virtues, but he can wait.

The older boy stretches, popping the vertebra in his back before running a hand through his long hair. It's certainly a different look; he looks wild and unkempt, like a character from an old children's movie Keith used to watch.

"How're you?" Keith asks. He feels like he says this too much. It isn't Shiro's fault trouble always seems to find him.

"My head hurts," he replies, touching his temples delicately with his metal hand. His face scrunches up, like he's perplexed by something. Keith leans forward slightly, silently urging him to speak. Only, he doesn't. He must not be feeling well enough.

Keith stands and moves across the room, ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach. "I'm going up on the bridge. Feel free to join us when you're feeling well enough."

"Thanks," Shiro says weakly, leaning back slightly. He looks pained. "Keith?"

"Yeah?" he turns to look at him as he stands in the doorway.

"How many times are you going to save me before this is over?"

Keith cannot help the small smile that spreads across his face. "As many times as it takes."

***

Keith is aware of everyone's eyes on him before he's even entered the room. They all share a similar expression of intermingled concern and guilt. Allura's eyebrows are knotted together in the middle as Keith walks in, alone.

"Is he all right?"

"He's just resting," Keith assures them all. Simultaneously, each of their shoulder's slacken in relief. Hunk goes as far as letting out a breath of air.

"Have you tried talking to him?" Lance asks.

"Not yet."

"So who's going to pilot Black?"

"I don't know," Keith says, shortly.

"Just leave it for now," Allura commands. And, amazingly, Lance complies. Allura gives him a grateful nod, which he exchanges with a smile.

Keith is no fool, he knows there's something going on between the two of them. He's seen glimpses of their tender smiles, stumbled across them murmuring together in private, and seen his fair share of their hugs. Once, Keith may have thought Lance didn't deserve the princess. Now, he's just glad that at least some of his fellow Paladins have a shot at their own happy ending. Keith isn't so sure him and Shiro will.

They go over their mission itinerary, while Allura pulls up maps on the castle systems. Keith tries his hardest to concentrate, but his mind frequently wanders as to what his roommate will be doing. Will Shiro actually manage to rest? Knowing him, probably not. Keith longs to go and tend to him, but he knows he can't leave the briefing. That doesn't stop him fidgeting, rocking back on the balls of his feet and coughing awkwardly. Allura notices, too polite to call him out on it. She knows he's just worried, they all are. But it would do him good if he could absorb himself in the mission so he could focus on something other than Shiro for a while.

The bridge doors slide open, beholding their esteemed leader. Keith turns around, the breath is knocked out of him as a consequence. Shiro no longer sports long, matted hair and coarse beard. He's refurbished himself since Keith last saw him; having cut his hair in a hasty, military style and shaved his face clean. He looks so much better; the smart, presentable leader they need for the coalition. Just seeing him look healthier makes Keith's heart skip several beats, even more so when Shiro catches his eye across the room and gives him a soft smile; strictly reserved for him.

Keith tries to suppress his grin, ducking his head so none of the other Paladins can see him. Strands of hair obscure his face, which Shiro carelessly brushes away as he walks over to Keith's side. While Coran is in the middle of his spiel, Keith subtly finds Shiro's fingers and entwines them with his own. The older boy looks at him out of the corner of his eyes, squeezing Keith's hand tightly in assurance.

As Keith's eyes dance around the room he catches Lance's gaze, who nods at him with a cognisant smile.

***

As much as Keith enjoys being a part of the Blade of Malmora, he gets homesick. He misses the Castle of Lions, he misses his Paladins- even Lance- he misses the sense of belonging he felt while being a Paladin. The Blades are slowly becoming a second family to Keith, but they won't beat his true family.

Most of all, Keith misses Shiro.

They keep regular correspondence. Mostly, it's about missions and any intel the Blades have on Zarkon or Lotor. Their holo-calls always have a military stiffness to them at the beginning, until Shiro's stern façade slips and he speaks to Keith like his lover, not his leader. During the first few weeks, Keith calls Shiro until he drops asleep in his new dormitory. It isn't a patch on the one they shared at the Castle, and Keith makes sure Shiro knows this. He whines about it frequently, how he misses Shiro being there, to which the Black Paladin will just chuckle and shake his head.

It's strange, instead of their relationship deteriorating like Keith wholly expected it to, him and Shiro are more stable than ever. Maybe both of them are so sick of losing each other that they're less reluctant to express and show their true affections. Shiro worries about losing Keith on a daily basis, he knows how dangerous the Marmora missions are. But Kolivan informs him Keith is doing well, practically as good as the older members, so Shiro stops worrying so much. Most of all, Shiro just feels proud. Keith has flourished into the person who Shiro hoped he would become. He's always had high expectations of him, right from their days in Garrison. Those days feel like years and years ago. They rarely ever focus on the past now, only the present. It's the only way they can get through it.

When Keith tells Shiro he's returning to the castle for a few days, the Black Paladin can't help feeling elated. Having him here in person will be so much more satisfactory than just seeing his face over his comm. Everyone in the castle seems excited for Keith's return too. Lance expresses how it'll be good to make fun of him in person again. There's no malice in his tone, the two of them harbour no bad feelings these days. Spending time with Allura has done well enough to mellow Lance. Similarly, the Princess seems very smitten about their relationship; whatever they've decided to call it. Shiro doesn't pry, but he always updates Keith during their calls.

Keith comes dressed in his Blade attire, completed with the hood and all. It's visibly evident how well his time in the Blades has treated him. His body is more muscular and lithe than ever. Shiro feels his heart thump in his chest as Keith greets him, with their familiar handshake and mandatory hug. When they pull away, Keith has what looks like a bashful smile on his face.

"Keith!" Coran exclaims, bouncing across the room and wringing his hand in an congratulatory manner. "So good to see you again!"

"You too, Coran. It's good to see you  _all_  again," Keith smiles, looking genuinely at peace.

"It's been quiet without you, Mullet," Lance feigns a sigh. "There's no one as good to annoy."

"You do a good job of annoying me," Hunk mutters, but it's all in jest.

However, there isn't time to stand around and chat. Keith came to the castle for a reason, and it's on official Blade business. Nowadays, he's much more driven and focused on missions. Probably because he prefers the way the Blades execute their missions. Despite his many altercations with Kolivan about sacrificing himself.

After being briefed by the Paladins, Keith and Shiro disappear into their-  _his_ \- room. Their greeting now is a lot more intimate than on the bridge. It feels like so long ago since they made love, the last time being the night before Keith left for the Blades. This time, it isn't as fervent and desperate. It's sweet, slow, and Shiro takes his time showing Keith exactly how much he cares for him. By the time they're finished, Keith can't do anything but lay spent on the bottom bunk, a sheen of sweat covering his body. He's grateful for the soundproof rooms. He's sure his fellow Paladins are too.

"Come on," Shiro nudges his boyfriend gently, who groans and buries his face in the pillow. It finally smells like Shiro again. "We can't keep them waiting."

"What are they waiting for?" Keith grumbles, sliding out of bed to pull on one of Shiro's t-shirts. Shiro says nothing about him purloining his clothes, in fact, he seems pleased by it. He quickly arranges the material so the love bites on his collar aren't visible, which causes Keith to affectionately roll his eyes.

"I love you," Keith states.

"I love you," Shiro says. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too." Keith wants to tell Shiro how it practically kills him being away from him for so long, but can't quite form the words in his throat. It's still embarrassing admitting to such things, even at this stage in their relationship.

The two of them go into the rec room, pretending the last few hours didn't happen. The Paladins talk amongst themselves for a while, all of them clamour to know about Keith's time in the Blades. He tries to relay the stories the best he can, he never has been a good narrator. Obviously he leaves out the top secret missions, and the missions so dangerous that it'd make the Paladins hair stand on end. Especially Shiro.

Keith feels warm inside when they begin to head to bed. It's the feeling of belonging, something he hasn't felt in such a long time. When he makes eye contact with Shiro, he realises that he'll belong wherever Shiro is.

"I wish you could stay, Keith," Pidge remarks.

"I'll always be around," he reassures her.

"Try and stay more often?"

"Pidge, give him some space," Shiro says, trying to sound stern, but failing. He can't reprimand her for expressing the same thoughts he's having. Then he turns to Keith, resting his hand on his shoulder. "You always have a home here. Our room will be waiting for you." There's an undertone to his voice, one that only Keith catches onto.

"Thanks, Shiro," he says, softly.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you two!" Coran materialises between them, causing them to take an awkward step back. Neither of them are particularly fond of personal displays of affection in front of the other Paladins. Not because of anything they've done, but because Shiro and Keith are both very private, reserved people. "I cleared out one of the old rooms for you, so you don't have to share anymore!" He seems pleased. Keith's expression falters as he looks up at Shiro. Fortunately, the Black Paladin only looks amused.

"Thanks, Coran. But I don't think it's necessary."

"Are you sure?" Coran asks, glancing between them both.

"Yeah. We'll be okay," Shiro smiles knowingly at Keith. He smiles back, the widest he ever has.

They  _will_ be okay.

***


End file.
